move along

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you’ve had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you’ve lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through

(Move along)
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along

let’s pretend

and now, all of this -
i'm just letting everything pass me by.

i want to forget; i would choose, if i could, to give up everything – even if it would mean that all i've come this far for is as good as nothing – right now, at this very moment, i would choose to.

i remember this feeling

do get used to not having me around.

when everything’s meant to be broken

i'm such a moron, going around thinking i understand people when in actual fact i don't – i only know things, and assume things and then see things through my own perspective.
i don't understand anyone at all.

Protected: swimming in the dark

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some light humour

on my way to junction8, i met kenny:

me: so where are you going
kenny: no idea
me: -_-
kenny: i need a toilet
kenny: i need to wipe my ass
kenny: it feels soaked
kenny: … gooey
me: *at a loss for words*

let the world dream otherwise

We Wear The Mask 

by Paul Laurence Dunbar

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,–
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be overwise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
    We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
    We wear the mask!

would it change how you feel?

everything changes
staind

if you just walked away
what could i really say?
would it matter anyway?
would it change how you feel?

i am the mess you chose
the closet you cannot close
the devil in you i suppose
'cause the wounds never heal

but everything changes
if i could
turn back the years
if you could
learn to forgive me
then i could learn to feel

sometimes the things i say
in moments of disarray
succumbing to the games we play
to make sure that it's real

but everything changes
if i could
turn back the years
if you could
learn to forgive me
then i could learn to feel

when it's just me and you
who knows what we could do
if we can just make it through
the toughest part of the day

but everything changes
if i could
turn back the years
if you could
learn to forgive me
then i could
learn how to feel
then we could
stay here together
and we could
conquer the world
if we could
say that forever
is more than just a word

if you just walked away
what could i really say?
and would it matter anyway?
it wouldn't change how you feel

~

the lines sing of, quite simply, a most abject hopelessness.
'would it matter anyway?/would it change how you feel?' – doubt, uncertainty, fear but to have to ask these questions is to doom everything to end. 'the mess you choose … cannot close.. devil in you' and the wounds 'never heal' are all very plainly all in negative.
'everything changes', yes, if i could 'turn back the years' – but could you, really? could you turn back the years?
'if you could learn to forgive me/then i could learn to feel', except i seek forgiveness for what i felt, and to learn to feel means to feel something else i don't have to be forgiven for.
and here, the most poignant verses, to me – 'then we could/stay here together and we could/conquer the world…' where it's shown how everything is simply impossible; 'stay here together' and 'conquer the world' in the same run-on verses inextricably links the hope of staying together and the seemingly-childish dream of conquering the world to imply that both will not happen. verses end with 'if we could', as if afraid to go on to say the next lines – because giving form to your hopes and dreams simply takes them higher so that they can fall, because we couldn't. forever is, indeed, nothing more than just a word.
and then, the final verse; no longer a question, there is no more doubt nor uncertainty – now a statement, a realisation, an understanding – it wouldn't change how you feel.

teh winnar

my mom is gosu, really. she was shouting at my dad when i got home and then she paused for like 2 minutes to talk to me after which i went to bathe.

when i came out she was still shouting at him (y)

even now she's still shouting although it's quite sporadic.

tonight's band concert was the best cathigh's had in many years. really glad that my ex-classmates went with me (:
ahhh my juniorsss what would life be without them ! much loff. unfortunately the last cohort of Juniors Whom I Know Intimately is already secfour this year which means i will have nothing more to go back to ;_;
i saw markalphonsusleefuwen and realised i missed him like shit also saying bye to him after the concert was v painful, and then alford who didn't want to let go of me but we were going separate ways ;_; x 500
went back to cathigh with them to keep their instruments and then we had supper at nearby coffeeshop where mr heng lectured kelviiiinchewwww whose birthday is coming up soon. meanwhile this is belated but
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLEMENT! YOU ROCK!

speaking of rock for shooting camp debrief we were supposed to write comments about each other and someone wanted to write "you rock" for someone else – i presume – but it turned out as "you are rock" which brings several puns and connotations, some of which are simply too obscene to present here.

speaking of obscene, ask sng about joke regarding Afrikaan Roulette (y)

and speaking of joke, shanhwa aka lulu is the most zany girl i've seen. her comment for daniel was "YOU ARE A DIRTY BRAT" and she called joel a white bamboo and she wrote for someone else "you're a joke la". i'm glad she wrote "you are a v nice person" for me but she also thinks i have a big ego. omg, imagine that =.= as a matter of fact SEVERAL people in shooting think i have a big ego wtf wtf? amusing, isn't it – i was saying "ARE WE GOOD OR WHAT" to boost team morale but too bad la they took it the wrong way. anyway, re: lulu – we were trying to guess what happened, and i speculated High Fever During Childhood. quite possible, right.