i will try

fix you
coldplay
when you try your best but you don't succeed
when you get what you want but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse

and the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
when you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you

and high up above or down below
when you're too in love to let it go
but if you never try you'll never know
just what you're worth

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you

tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
tears stream down your face
and i –

tears stream down your face
i promise you i will learn from my mistakes
tears stream down your face
and i –

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you

~

and i can only try.

many many love

it makes me really happy when at a random time of any random day a friend calls me up to go out or something :D no matter where i am i'd be happy to because it shows that my company is wanted :] makes me feel very touched too ;_; and it happened three times today hahaha <3 jloh zhihao kelvinchewwww!
okay i couldn't go out with kelvinchewwww in the end but still <3<3

~

re: wise words

jloh: blah blah etc, etc
jloh: no choice
me: WHAT NO CHOICE
sng: life is full of choices.
us: o.o
sng: most of the time, we only get one.
us: ahahahahaha

treasures from nat

"NO WAIT MY HAIR'S NOT DONE LA," i dodged. nat captioned it 'kengwee being drama' -.- excuse me.

… i cannot remember what on earth they were doing.

wow this looks like some diva shot ahahaha may tossing her hair in the wind. nice one, nat (y)

ohh in view of upcoming birthday i've put up a Wishlist so i can whore the things i want. but don't bother they're mostly unaffordable, lol. it's at the side, under "Pages", in case you've never noticed that part before.

 

 

WARNING: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR XMEN3

 

re: burying the hatchet

shawn: i like the way they placed the tombstones of scott and xavier affectionately next to their murderer
shawn: way to go… school for gifted youngsters
me: ahahahaha

drifting, drifting, drifting

i don't want to do colorgenics for the very simple reason that i have no courage to know what i really am feeling.
i can deal with this current state of aimlessly wandering, of waking each day with a slight uncertainty.
i can live with smiling for simple or silly things, with being thankful for everything i have.
being… suspended, like this – feels quite fine.
i don't want reality to set in, i don't want everything to come crashing down. i don't think i have any feelings to confront, though. a void is a void.

holidays would be great except we have lessons every other day, hahaha.
and even though i may lament that training is taking over my life, i am glad that there is air pistol to take up my time. i'm not the sort who mugs, and i'd get around to thinking too much, if given the chance.

how did things turned out like that, in the end? i hope that given enough time, the wounds will heal on their own.

~

i want a moment to be real
want to touch things i don't feel
want to hold on and feel i belong
and how can the world want me to change?
they're the ones that stay the same

maybe less

why doesn't anyone comment anymore ;_;

whee finally fixed my grip but i didn't get to shoot with it so i'll have to do monthly shoot without any experience with the grip gglation (y)

x3 wasn't that bad la. zhihao was half an hour late but when we went in the movie hadn't even started lol. sng gave me so many spoilers but forgot to tell me to stay till the end of the credits -_-

well training wasn't really training i spent most of it playing dancemaniax and time crisis and ocean hunter with daniellau, everett and guoying. hahaha these pistol juniors are pretty fun people to hang with but they make me feel so old.
I THINK I AM PAEDOPHILIC.

~

… he saw Valentine with Ender, and realised that her bond with her brother was far more than anything he ever had; he saw them together, and he realised: This is what closeness is, this is what he would never have. 

thy name be wanky

from a friend:
we all want what we can't have… then a lot of the time, if we get it, we realize we never really wanted it in the first place.

yeah? i don't really know, actually.
today uncle tan came to pick us up from training "us" but actually he was really just picking one of us up, the rest were tagging along -_- anyway joannafong sat next to uncle tan and belle and i sat at the back. when we drove out of the parking lot i noticed fong's hands on the wheel. and then i noticed uncle tan's hands not on the wheel.

me: OMG JOANNA WHAT ARE YOU DOING
uncle tan: don't worry she's good
me: =.=
belle: … omg jo i still want to take common test
me: er do you?
belle: ahahaha

me: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT LA ISABELLE
me: ALL THE BAD KARMA YOU ACCUMULATED
me: but why must you get divine retribution when you're with me T-T

made new friends today o.o a whole buncha crazy ac air pistol boys and an rgs rifle girl they think i'm damn funny lol -_-

re: permutation and combination

sandra: hello hello!
sandra: what's your name?
me: er, –
everett: TAN KONG WEE
everett: er TAN KING WEE
everett: TAN WENG KEE
me: …

wow it's been a long time since anyone called me wengkee, haha.

re: instant friends

everett: a**** isn't irritating la
sandra: yes she is
everett: …
everett, sandra: *high five* YEAH
me: -_-
me: a**** is fine
me: however, her Friend is not
everett: do you mean…
sandra: as in –
me: yes.
everett, sandra: lol
everett: eh give me your number and email address

mmm something just made me lose all my blogging mood.
sleep. 

physics lesson was cancelled so we could go cheer jonng on legitimately :D i think he was quite touched lol and we screamed our asses off for him :D except when we were about to leave and decided to give him a final cheer:

jonng: *bowls*
jloh: *does not see* NICE ONE!!!
pin: *still there*
all: …
jloh: *runs away*

re: cheering

bowlers: *bowling*
all: *standing around*
kenny: YEAH GO GEORGE YEAH!!
kenny: I LOVE YOU MANY MANY!!!
all: … wtf
us: AHAHAHAHA

re: mouthful

me: YEAH!! GO JONATHAN!!!
me: omg "jonathan" is such a mouthful
jloh: *looks down*
jloh: indeed.

if you didn't get that i think it's better that things stay that way.

re: evolutionary advantage

jloh: i can pull my thumb back
jloh: but when i move it forward
jloh: ie to grip shit
jloh: ie opposable thumb
jloh: ie our evolutionary advantage
jloh: hurts like fuck

re: opposable thumb

nat: how the hell do you know it's called that?!
me: … why not?
nat: WHY ARE YOU ALL SO
nat: KNOWLEDGEABLE

re: nat

nat: (to may) kengwee says he doesn't want to eat with you
nat: because he doesn't like you
me: omg?!
me: nat you -
me: you Sower of Discord

so much shit i wanted to blog but i cannot remember.
mmm sng says x3 is really shitty but i'm going to watch it anyway even though i already have so many spoilers zzz.

notpron

is some serious shit. i spent three hours with qixian (who was busy cheating) getting to level 17.
sng spent three months getting to 38 ggxx i'm giving up.

pastamania lunch after gp and then ivangela jloh sng and i went to big macdonald's where i tried to do some math and sng did lots of math and jloh just stoned lol.
later i went to the macs toilet and behind the door in the cubicle was inscribed:

DATHAMONGA WILL NEVER DIE

holy shit looks like we've got a satanic cult attempting some resurrection ritual here D:
but black marker looks so anticlimactic they should have done it in red or something.

training was goode :D but still quite inconsistent.
arghh omg so little time these days it looks set to worsen with the holidays ;_;

真正的解脱

i believe in what i feel.
yeah, that's the only thing we have.
that in itself is enough for me.
without that, there's nothing at all.
yeah.

too many times, i forgive, and then i forget when i really shouldn't.

~

okay omg i have no idea why but i'm suddenly overwhelmed by grief at how tennis just lost both guys' and girls'. poor nigel must be feeling … well i can only try to imagine what he's going through ;_;
i hope rugby and tennis results are not an ominous portent of what our cohort will achieve in the academic realm =/

这会是我最后的宽容

despite lukewarm reviews i do want to watch the da vinci code but i guess i'm fated not to.
met old buddies kennethfoo and benoh at cmpb and i decided to join them for lunch after taking the medical test since i had loads of free time.

me: omg la this place has got nothing to eat!
ben: … ikea is down the road isn't it?
ken: !
me: !
ben, ken, me: MEATBALLSSS

imagine ikea.
now imagine ikea's restaurant, never mind if the only things that come to mind are the meatballs, the sauce and the chicken wings. now imagine ikea's restaurant (fairly) empty. WOOHAHAHAH.

walking around ikea and looking at the stuff they have i can't wait to get my own house! i'll just buy …everything.
with shitloads of time to spare i decided to shop a bit with ken and ben for some presents they wanted to get but i ended up being the only one who made a purchase. anyway they wanted to go to bishan so we took 855 down to macritchie and then changed to 52. the bus went past rj and i decided to go back to school for air rifle/pistol general meeting -_-

after the meeting there was this horrdendously fun game of captain's ball where i:
a. slapped isabelle's face
b. ran into joanna fong
c. bashed leonard's head in
d. threw myself at ronald causing us both to crumple into a sweaty heap

of course, objective 'a' must have been the most amazing feat i can't believe i got away with it :/
IT WAS, OF COURSE, AN ACCIDENT.

re: free … ride

me: omg let's just share a cab, can
daniel: they won't take five persons
me: can la
me: belle sit in front
belle: mmhmm
me: … no, wait
me: i sit in front
belle: -_-
me: daniel wilson jiahui at the back
me: belle you can stay in the boot
belle: no la i sit on the uncle's lap
me: … D:
daniel: wah then no need pay cab fare liao
~

i will never do anything that is not explicitly asked of me ever again, i swear, and i'll choose wisely from now on.