Suffering And Fuck

wow it actually took me about four minutes getting accustomed to using a mouse.
life has been either too slack or too rushed but i shan’t rant too much here because i can’t be bothered.  basically life In There is crappy la. ’nuff said.

sayonara desu

so shawn was trying to take my mind off impending enlistment:

shawn: well if its any consolation
shawn: i shall be wanting to go to bangkok at the end of the year
shawn: j00 wana come?
shawn: WE CAN SHARE A HOTEL ROOM TOGETHER
shawn: omg think of the possibilities
shawn: we can practice the art of polyeroticon while facing the direction of mecca, kindly provided for by the hotel by an affectionate little arrow on the ceiling.
wee: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
shawn: lol then we can go and peer quizically at the dubious women hanging around the street
shawn: man that’ll be so frickin awesome!
wee: by dubious women you mean women who might not be women?
shawn: ah… but theres a slight chance that they are!…. OHHH THE GAMBIT
shawn: ITS IRRESISTABLE

well – not to be too dramatic but goodbye, world. take care.

and so it is, just like you said it would be;

when i rose this morning and saw pure, unadulterated, juicy sunlight pouring through my window like fresh cream i very nearly wept tears of an ecstasy most profound. before lunch i stood in the middle of the streets just soaking up the heat that seemed almost like a lost memory from a long-forgotten age. this fantastic weather would be most welcome if i had, say, a beach vacation coming right up but alas! that is Not To Be for i have but one week of freedom remaining. and here i am spending my last weekend as a civilian doing absolutely nothing, mmm (y)

i don’t exactly mind my enlistment date, and i might even say it’s a mighty fine timing. i’m done with my dental internship with a very professional and helpful AND nice dentist (never mind that my plans to crash orientation utterly fell apart) and i have a one-day job shadowing at faculty of dentistry @ nus coming up on monday. if it isn’t already quite obvious i really do want to do teeth because 1. i want to stay in singapore for university education and 2. i don’t want to do medicine – for me, given these two conditions the only set left unshaded in the Venn Diagram of Universitiness is dentistry. back to my point – i’ve had my fill of bumming around, like i’ve been saying, “just because i can”: sitting by the poolside with a cocktail and music, or reading leisurely at starbucks, or walking down orchard road enjoying my own company. may may get (i thought that was a good one) positively incensed upon reading this – that is, if she even has the time to. but after all, when you start watching movies not for entertainment but just to whittle two hours off a long day, you know you have too much time.

of course, since hindsight is always a bitch, i will be missing this life a lot once i am in there. like seniors were telling me after their ‘A’ levels last year (to my now-assuaged disbelief) when you’re done with the exams you really want to just go back to school and be with everyone again. i think this notion will be strongly reinforced once my brain begins its slow and sure atrophy in a week’s time.

right now i miss everyone; those were good times, really.

and what are you doing right now?

shawn has decided that a pre-enlistment bash is in place since, in his words, “our encounters will become drastically less frequent”. for the less gaming-inclined i apologise for the upcoming garbage that you will not make much sense of. special prize for person(s?) who can name all three games we made references to, unless your name is jloh or sng.
***
shawn: then we go to hogs breath cafe the place where even water is expensive~
shawn: ^^
wee: HAHAHHAA
wee: zomg i got no moneys la
shawn: im paying lolrofl
wee: … whatever for !
shawn: lol whatevernotfor
shawn: touche~
wee: D:
wee: i am in a negligee
wee: oh wait
wee: i mean
shawn: >:D
wee: hahaha no la don’t treat
shawn: i’m not treating
shawn: i’m paying for you lol
shawn: touche~
***
wee: whazzat cafe again?
shawn: breath of hog cafe of plus 2 poison resistance
shawn: unless you wana go someplace else
shawn: [charm] lol you have to choose lol
wee: ahhh, australian
shawn: [lore] that is correct lol
***
shawn: lol why are you telling me this?
shawn: i’m like so pressing start on your speech bubble
shawn: “start”
shawn: well we could go somewhere else
shawn: like dan ryan’s grill of doom and restlessness
wee: that one also requires much gil
wee: let’s go some buffet shit
wee: since it be weekday
shawn: and which public lavatory do you have in mind?
wee: buffets have -6 Armour Class
shawn: lol so which buffet of shit is this?
wee: hmm pariss international dinner $29.80+++ on weekdays
shawn: lol 29.80 for 1 person?
shawn: lol
shawn:
GAME OVER
Continue?
YES ->NO

hmm that was some intense blogging.

not shameless just honest

stef: *tries on esprit cap*
stef: :D
wee: mmm
girl nearby: *tries on same esprit cap*
stef: babe.
stef: please don’t try on something right after i have just tried it on.
wee: ahahaha

you don’t care a bit.

hide and seek
imogen heap

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to form
crop circles in the carpet
sinking, feeling

spin me ’round again
and rub my eyes;
this can’t be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines (you won’t catch me around here)
blood and tears
they were here first

mmm what d’ya say,
mmm that you only meant well?
well of course you did
mmm what d’ya say,
mmm that it’s all for the best?
of course it is
mmm what d’ya say?
mmm that it’s just what we need?
you decided this
mmm what d’ya say?
mmm what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
midsweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs
speak no feeling
no I don’t believe you
you don’t care a bit,
you don’t care a bit

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
midsweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs
speak no feeling
no, I don’t believe you
you don’t care a bit,
you don’t care a bit

you don’t care a bit
you don’t care a bit
you don’t care a bit.

深怕窗外枫叶已结成冰

Your Existing Situation
The fear of rebuff and the extreme caution of his approach make it difficult for him to achieve the degree of intimacy and identification he desires.

Your Stress Sources
An emotional relationship is no longer running smoothly, has proved deeply disappointing, and is now regarded as a depressing tie. While on one hand, he would like to free himself from this attachment altogether, yet, on the other, he does not want to lose anything nor risk uncertainty and the possibility of further disappointment. These contradictory emotions aggravate him to such an extent that he tries to suppress them beneath an aloof and severe attitude.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Trying to calm down and unwind after a period of over-agitation which has left him listless and devoid of energy. In need of peace and quiet; becomes irritable if this is denied him.
Circumstances force him to compromise and to forgo some pleasures for the time being. Capable of achieving physical satisfaction through sexual activity.

Your Desired Objective
Wants to establish himself and make an impact despite unfavorable circumstances and a general lack of appreciation.

Your Actual Problem
Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety. Desires recognition and position, but is worried about his prospects. Reacts to this by protecting at any criticism and resisting any attempt to influence him. Tries to assert himself by meticulous control of detail in an effort to strengthen his position.

Your Actual Problem #2
Anxiety and restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled emotional requirements, have produced stress. He tries to escape from these by denying their existence, concealing his dissatisfaction behind a proud but illusory claim to self-sufficiency and independence.

stolen from jloh’s, here.
yes, i don’t know to comment on accuracy. how the fuck do they do shit like that with just a few colours?

just now while walking towards mrt station i did not see drain and happily broke my right leg in it (y)

2thousand7

hmm, no resolutions whatsoever. never did have that habit.

saturday afternoon was og outing at seoul garden and turn-out wasn’t very good but we still had a lot of fun. i think it’s amazing how we’ve stuck together all this while and still planning a next outing when shirin returns from york in march next year :]

after that i bought the same bag as jloh did and then justinlin and i headed over to meet up with classmates for class gathering at junli’s! class events at junli’s are always very successful (2 successful gatherings out of 2 makes it 100%) and almost the whole class turned up and many of us stayed over. a few of us started talking about university education and all that and what we wanna do and where we wanna go and somehow after all this while i still get these moments when i suddenly find it so hard to breathe because we’re all just growing up and moving on so quickly.

life is always the same in that we’re always finding, losing, forgetting and then starting all over.

after breakfast we all went our separate ways. i got home and brandon wanted dinner with the usual 4-1 guys so i was v happy because my family had left for jb earlier and i was All Alone and was all set to spend new year’s eve that way so yayness. i went to sleep and was roused at four by clement sim who assaulted me with questions on integration and i realised i can barely remember how to integrate all those math tys questions i slogged through have gone to hell.

spent new year’s eve at shawn’s place eventually, which is always fun. shawn was mocking d&d systems of monsters eg Lesser Rat, Greater Rat and Dire Rat so we were d&ding everything into nonsense like Greater Backache of Cold Resistance +4 (y) jeff came over at about 5am after clubbing and then we proceeded to move the fish pond with shawn’s family because his mom’s fengshui master said to do so; shawn termed it planetary alignment. i really can’t imagine not being able to visit shawn regularly anymore since he’ll be going over to murdoch university in australia very soon. his mom said to take leave and visit and we can just put up at their place.

so many things – too many, in fact, that i want to run away from right now.