it doesn’t get any better than this

the bestest christmas ever, and it hasn’t even happened yet !

truly the past days of intense blockleaveness have been awesome if one can just ignore all the shit that happened on friday which involved going to camp then home then camp again to do a shitload of work because of some incompetent fools. the days have been going by too fast because i’m just having too much fun; even just shopping for a bag with shawn can be crazy:

re: love at first sight
bag: *is there*
shawn: oh my god.
shawn: that’s
shawn: fucking big
shawn: it is so
shawn: fucking big

shawn: i need time to think! let us weigh the pros and cons
shawn: crumpler will bring me SHAME
shawn: fucking big bag is
shawn: fucking big
shawn: omg there are no cons

shawn: this bag is so huge it’s not even funny
shawn: look i can smuggle an entire family of illegal immigrants in this bag
shawn: the father, the mother, the child
shawn: it’s so big i can take a shit in this bag
shawn: can you take a shit in your bag?

lunch at coffeeclub
shawn: where is the waitress why is there no one to serve us
shawn: hey SERVING WENCH!
me: ahahahahaha

food: *still not ready after twenty minutes*
serving wench: can i help you? are you waiting for something?
me: yeah, like our food?
serving wench: okay please let me check
shawn: yeah how about some FUCKING SERVICE

shawn: omg our food’s not here because all these women are out of the kitchen
shawn: DAMN YOU, WOMAN — BACK TO THE KITCHEN!

good thing he said all those stuff only after they were out of hearing range or we’d have been banned from the outlet haha.

stef has bought me christmas present that would have blown my mind away, says she, except i guessed what it was going to be ahaha. shawn’s going to be all alone this christmas, but what’s really special is that this is the last year we’ll ever spend christmas at his place because he’ll leave for australia next year and never, ever come back. that house holds memories from all the way back to secondary school days; christmas party at shawn’s has always been something to look forward to each year – everything, and now it seems everything is coming to an end too soon. i suppose we can look forward to spending next year’s christmas at his house in australia! what makes this year’s christmas party extra extra awesome is that jloh and sng are going as well :D :D :D which is omg! a buncha my best guy chums spending christmas together playing guitar heroes, eating junk food and my mom’s awesome cheezcaek and drinking and making merry,–
almost too awesome to be true.

i hope your christmas will at least as be as amazing as mine is going to be :]

halcyon days

it’s been amazing, to say the least. it’s a feeling i’ve never known and all the dead weight i’ve been dragging around all these years has been cut loose; everything everything is gone and i am free and i am breathing and living and absolutely loving everyday of my life with a ferocity bordering on terrifying but i really couldn’t care less because now i know how to smile at things i’d never even have begun to see.

yesterday was stef&sinni day since the latter just returned from her royal oxfordness the previous week. we were to meet at paragon where sinni had dresses to peruse, with her two invitations to officers’ commissioning ball etc. “why cannot wear same dress since they are different nights” i questioned but “NO CANNOT” because “facebook pictures” so ’nuff said. i bought a really lovely shirt which i didn’t really want to due to price but after trying it on and coming out from changing room to vehement approvals from them two i could not refuse. after much shuttling between every shopping centre in orchard area during which number of shopping bags i was carrying for all of us kept climbing we ended with dinner at lmxlb because sinni had craving! then after some… issues sinni had to settle which involved long drive by kang we headed to mos (but not before changing to kang’s mom’s huge lexus). drinking games are crazy fun! and truthordare was seriously (y) also, watching them sad folks “dance” was enough entertainment. we can’t wait to go to phuture :D

today made me really happy because it started off with enchanted in the afternoon with jloh followed by more shopping, during which we both bought crocodile items at 20% off OH I LOVE CROCODILE step aside plz, nat ho and then we had long talks and walks and dinner at coffee club. it was simple, and talking about all those things like that gave me things to look forward to — certainty in a future, a certainty that was never there, and i can’t wait to live out our dreams and look back in nostalgia. jloh <3<3 sng come back quick from thirdworldland, you.

now i’m at shawn’s place playing wii OHHHH MY LIFE IS COMPLETE.

’cause you feel it when they take it away

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

– Oriah Mountain Dreamer

from stef’s.

a clarity thing

it’s been a year, and slightly more.
in this time there was so much, and too little; because i wasn’t really what i was supposed to be, and there was always something i was quite unwilling to face — not knowing (nor wanting to know) what exactly it was i couldn’t let go of because the naked truth would have worn me out, but i’m all worn out nevertheless. there is so much i should have seen, and maybe i did see but chose to ignore as people always do. i can’t think of any excuses and i don’t want to, and each time i am reminded – which happens to be way too fucking often – i feel immensely sickened. i see it all now, and it’s crystal clear, and the alacrity with which i have come upon my epiphany has left me in a devastated wreck, and now

it’s all faded and i can’t feel it anymore,

but i’ve got nothing to be sorry about. now it’ll finally be what it was always supposed to be; nothing more, or perhaps something less.